“There was a wedding. You were seated at the back watching the ceremony when it came to the moment of reckoning. A man steps up to the microphone and asks if anyone objects to this union while the groom stares at the bride who is staring at you and a woman on your left whispers: don’t say anything.’
‘What’s the strangest thing to have happened to you?’
‘Shit! I’ve had a few of them. I had a body swap once.’
‘A body swap?’
‘I went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.’
‘Were drugs involved or are you speaking metaphorically?’
‘I mean: I went to bed with one woman and when I woke up there was a different one next to me. Similar in looks but another person entirely.’
‘Where were you when this happened?’
‘I was at the apartment of the woman I went to bed with.’
‘Were you involved with this woman in some way or was this some one night stand?’
‘We were supposed to be very much involved.’
‘Okay, let me get this straight. You went to bed with a woman at her place. She got up and another woman took her her place while you were asleep?’
‘You nailed it Sherlock!’
‘Why?’
‘Fuck knows!’
‘What did you do once you realised?’
‘Well that’s the thing. I didn’t realise until after the fact. The room was dimly lit and frankly when you go to bed with someone, well, that’s who you expect to be waking up next to.’
‘So, how did you come to the realisation that it wasn’t the same woman?’
‘Well that’s where it gets stranger. I was getting the train in to town years later when two guys approach me and one of them says: ‘You sodomised my girlfriend.’
‘How did you react to that?’
‘I told him that I usually just shake hands then went to move on but he wasn’t finished. He then tells me that she had an abortion and I inform him that unless she pinched off a three kilo turd that it has nothing to do with me but still he hasn’t finished. Turns out that he is speaking for the guy next to him and that the guy is thinking of settling down with this lass and wants my advice.’
‘Erm, what the hell?’
‘I know, I just told him to go with his heart and got my move on.’
‘Hold on, how do you know that this all connected?’
‘I know but that is all that I am willing to share.’
‘Okay, and that is that then?’
‘Yip’
‘What now?’
‘Well, there have been moments in life where I wiped the slate clean and started over but this time is different. I’m giving you the slate and I am walking away. Do with it what you will but always remember that it is no longer a part of me.”
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